How do say what I am feeling right now....

Oct 6 2017 is a day I think I will never ever forget. On Oct 6th Keshav was diagnosed as being in the Autism Spectrum. Even before I could start feeling something about the diagnosis, Divya came back home crying, shivering with fever and no bladder control what so ever. Her UTI was back and still shows no signs of easing up. On October 6 2017 one of the most difficult phases of my life till date began, it still continues without easing up. Rushing both children to doctors appointments, trying to figure out therapy options for Keshav, trying to connect with other parents with autistic kids, sleepness nights both because of anxiety and Divyas incontinence issues. The house is filthy, I sometimes don't even get time to pick up things lying on the floor. I have tried putting off hiring a cleaning service because I have this super  woman image of myself where I can keep the house spick and span even when our life just turned upside down. But  I have to accept the truth, its not possible. Divya is coping well in school but I just do not get time to sit with her and read or do maths. And I really do not need too much reason to beat myself up. The last month and half has just been that. Everyday I have been falling short some way or the other. There are moments of peace and clarity and moments of despair and hopelessness. Feelings of utter lonliness, regret over past events, trying to make sense of it all. I read a blog post by Sri Sri that obstacles come in life, so that one is drawn towards to the spiritual path. Its defenitely true in my case. I am drawn to spirituality, religious practices, astrology...pretty much anything which promises to ease up this feeling of dread that refuses to leave